Celebrity Deathmatch: Theater Edition - Hare vs. Abramson

Did anyone see Page Six this weekend? Playwright David Hare got into a "screaming match" with NY Times managing editor Jill Abramson. Apparently Hare was pretty pissed that Brantley had savagely attacked his play, The Vertical Hour, like a sabre-toothed tiger on a pile of rib-eye steaks.

In case you don't recall, Brantley called Vertical Hour "soggy" and put it admittedly bluntly by saying that Bill Nighy mopped the floor using both Julianne Moore and the play itself. Brantley even accused Hare of committing "crimes against dialogue". Ouchie.

Well, the critics pan of Vertical Hour didn't stop it from recouping, but it still pissed David Hare off enough to flip out at Jill Abramson at a recent screening of (pacifist) Richard Gere's new movie The Hoax. He said, "You must be kidding. The Times has contempt for the theater, especially Broadway, and especially plays." Saucy Abramson replied, "Listen, it is not our obligation to like or care about the theater. It's our obligation to arbitrate it. We are the central arbiter of taste and culture in the city of New York." To which Hare countered, "What are you talking about? If you believe that, you are even more out of touch than your newspaper appears. You have a critic who despises the theater."

Moxie wonders what Abramson initially said to incite Hare's anger - doubtless it was something with some stingers attached. It's hard to believe that Brantley actually hates theater - if he did, he would probably go crazy from having to see so much of it, and that would make his reviews a lot more fun to read. At any rate, there are some more money quotes in the full article, which you can read here. Moxie tends to agree with producer Scott Rudin - it takes guts for an artist to stand up against the critics, so good for him. Plus, screw the "central arbiter of taste and culture". They may, in fact, be just that, but the statement is so arrogant you can't not side with Hare. But you know what? At the end of the day, The Vertical Hour was really bad.

Mary-Louise Parker's better, hotter boyfriend

A friend of mine spotted Mary-Louise Parker "canoodling" (the only way to make out when you're famous) with Jeffrey Dean Morgan, a.k.a. Denny Duquette from Grey's Anatomy. Apparently the two were sucking face at Vertical Hour - at least two audience members were enjoying themselves. Morgan also played ML Parker's dead hubby on Weeds, seen in flashbacks and old camcorder tapes.

She's one crazy lady, but this could be one of the hottest celebrity couples ever. Just imagine their beautiful, three-named children.


UPDATE: Well, the pair arrived at the opening of Curtains last night (which I was at, more on that later), so I guess that confirms it. But check out this picture:

Mary Louise looks like she's in pain, while Jeffrey Dean Morgan is about to burst into song: "Hello world! Isn't life beautiful? We're so happy together! Like, really, really really happy!!! Tra, la la..." Yikes.

The Vertical Hour[s of boredom] recoups - What are the audiences thinking?

Variety brings news today that The Vertical Hour has recouped, in spite of the nasty reviews and an early closing. Producer Scott Rudin said, "We had a couple of rocky weeks coming up, and we decided we'd accomplished what we'd set out to do with the play." Uh huh.

While I wish any show success, and can hardly begrudge any recoupment, this just rubs me the wrong way. I really like Julianne Moore on film (her naked, screaming entrance by flight in The Big Lebowski is one of my favorite moments on film), but she was heinously ill-suited for that roll, and possibly just not fit for the stage. I love love love Bill Nighy, but for God's sake, put him in a play that's worth a damn, not this meandering and arrogant claptrap.

The thing that irritates me is the damning evidence that audiences would rather shell out their $110 for a bad performance by someone they've seen on film than pay $60 for a fabulously-reviewed Off-Broadway show featuring talented stage actors. I recently heard a well-known not-for-profit theater producer say that Off-Broadway is tougher than ever because producing is almost as expensive off as it is on. Adding insult to injury, the real droves of audiences just won't come out unless you have an elucidating title like "My Father is Jewish, My Mother's Italian, and I'm in Therapy". Because of these, and other more complicated issues, you can expect Off-Broadway hits like The Voysey Inheritance or The Clean House to have multiple extensions, but not to transfer to a commercial Off-Broadway venue and have a long run, as they might have 10 years ago. More and more, it's becoming Broadway transfers or nothing at all, which is hugely limiting to say the least. What happened? Were audiences really just more discriminating back then? More willing to trek below 42nd Street? Smarter? Where has the Off-Broadway audience gone?

Boring, Boring, Boring.

Moxie is bored, so bored at work! Winter blues are setting in unsettlingly early this year, a good month before the holidays. It's 5 of 5, and dark outside, cold and windy, and all there is to look forward to is "club strength" at New York Sports Club tonight. Theater buzz lately seems to be limited to "Company is brilliant!" "No it's not!" [duel ensues], and "Hey everybody! Julianne Moore is so-so onstage!" Moxie attended opening night of The Vertical Hour, and doesn't even care to bore you, darling reader, with the humdrum details. Julianne's okay. The play is eh. Bill Nighy is good. Watch Love, Actually, you'll have a much better time.

Moxie can't even be bothered to get excited over Britney's kfed-less, panty-less escapades, nor Lindsay Lohan's AA antics. Hos will be hos. Ho ho ho.

Pug bowl to the rescue!



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