The Recently Deflowered Girl

A blogger named Bo-Bailey discovered this book on "The Right Thing to Say On Every Dubious Occasion", and posted it in its entirety here. This is a dazzling yet demure literary gem, and prepares the reader for such scenarios as "Deflowerment at Seance," "Deflowement by Marimba Player," and my personal favorite:

Deflowered and Thrust Aside (Like an Old Glove)

Two weeks have passed since losing of flower to Method actor and he has made absolutely no attempt to see you. You are walking along street in sunshine on bright afternoon, wondering, wondering, wondering. Suddenly he appears walking in opposite direction. You recognize him by his dungarees. You smile encouragingly and say, "I hear you've been away at summer stock." He says, "In the middle of winter?"

You say (frivolously): "The theater is such mad make-believe."

You can read the whole marvelous thing here.

Why I love Kathy Griffin:

"I'm so turned off by actors and comics because I think they're disgusting, and I am one, so I know. Anyone who has a headshot I don't want to have sex with." -Kathy Griffin (via Vulture)

Kathy Griffin is almost as good as Jan Maxwell when it comes to the snarky zingers!

Hazard #5,734 of Dating Actors

For the record, there is only one thing more annoying than seeing your actor ex-boyfriend pop up on your TV, with no warning, in one of his several commercial spots. This can very near ruin a perfectly good evening of television with one's newer, better, sweeter, cuter boyfriend. What could possibly be worse, you ask? Seeing the ex's new and sublimely irritating girlfriend in her OWN commercial spot, and realizing that between the two of them, they make more money with their fake-acting careers than you will in the next 5 years combined. Bollocks!