Suri Cruise: Why does this baby look like Daniel Vosevic?

Well, we can all exhale a giant sigh of relief. Suri Cruise's face has been splashed across newstands everywhere, alongside her Dianetics-toting mom and pop. Katie and Tom, "heartbroken" after all the ridicule from the press, public, and sane world, are assuredly hoping that the 20-some-page spread in Vanity Fair will make them normal again.

From the pullquotes from the article, Katie Holmes seems the utterly normal, loving mom, worshiping her child and bewildered as to why the general population would harbor such disdain for her and her "family". She says, "it's really frustrating the amount of s– that's out there. And the stuff they say about Suri? You shouldn't say that about us, and you can't say that about my child." About giving birth, she said, "I was just ready. The feeling is indescribable. All I can say is the moment I looked in her eyes I felt like ... Mom." Aww. Makes Moxie almost feel all cuddly inside. Almost.


So here's my question. If Tom really is the daddy, then why does this child look so much like Daniel Vosovic, from Project Runway season 2??? Perhaps TomKat has achieved the first human clone. At any rate, that child's hair is insane.

Jennifer Lopez's Broadway Debut

Move over, Christine Ebersole. Jlo looks like she's ready to bling out Grey Gardens. Maybe they can get Marc Anthony to step in for Matt Cavenaugh, while they're at it.

Photo courtesy of Go Fug Yourself

Review: The Pain and the Itch

Moxie recently saw the invited dress of The Pain and the Itch at Playwrights Horizons, and I must say, I was quite taken with it. It's a hysterical and fascinating play that raises many, many issues of class, race, politics, family, etc in new ways, exploring the hypocrisy of where so many Americans sit these days, martini-in-hand, bemoaning Bush, middle America, the war, etc, while still being shockingly short-sighted, selfish, racist, and narcissistic. Thankfully, Bruce Norris gracefully dances across these topics in a witty style that rarely gets preachy.

Essentially, it's about one upper-middle class family's Thanksgiving celebration. Things go terribly wrong, with strong familial tensions underfoot, an avocado-munching monster stalking the halls upstairs, and a neglected 4-year-old daughter in need of medical attention.

What ensues brought back memories of The Goat, the way that was funny, and at times reminded me of so many families I grew up around, while still being about out-of-this-world, controversial, and at times even horrifying issues.

Jayne Houdyshell is so dynamic as the Grandma of the house, both terrifically informed courtesy of PBS programming and terrifically ignorant in spite of herself. Reg Rogers is half plastic surgeon in the style of nip/tuck, half 50's movie star, Clark Gable or somesuch. The other performances will certainly lock into place and gain strengh, considering how Moxie saw such an early pre-preview.

The Pain and the Itch runs at Playwrights Horizons Sept 1 thru Oct 8.

Photo: Jayne Houdyshell, courtesy of Playbill online

Nasty Theater Gossip

Moxie landed in a hot mess yesterday, when the boss yelled at her for excessive snarkiness. Now she's censoring her snark left and right, and needing and outlet...


According to the Post, Nathan Lane is doing some hating on Matthew Broderick. Moxie says, it's about time! Lane was always the talented one in that relationship, and Broderick ruined the movie of The Producers with his mugging and tired out Ferris Buller puppydog eyes. Apparently, Nathan Lane was bored by his reliable old schtick, too.

"He [Lane] was not happy with Matthew's lack of effort, and lack of preparation," said one theater source.

Speaking of talentless schlubs, Constantine Maroulis might be going into The Wedding Singer soon. I guess the producers wanted to make Laura Benanti look like she can act, comparatively?

Roundup: Cruise's Behavior "not acceptable" to Paramount

Tom Cruise got the axe today. Paramount dumped Cruise/Wagner after 14 years together. In a stunning demonstration of typical agent grammar, CAA say, "What is the issue is Paramount's behavior over the last 12-18 months. We got fed up." Paramount says that although they really, really like Tom personally, "His recent conduct has not been acceptable to Paramount."

Craptastic Superman Brandon Routh is "engaged" to his "girlfriend". Routh says his lady is his "personal kryptonite". MmmHmm.

Britney Spears says she wants to be buried with her dog, Lucky. Somewhere, Kevin Federline cries, cries, cries in his lonely heart. Britney says, "You know how the Pharaohs used to get buried with things they loved? I want to do that with Lucky. She should be laid to rest with me when the time comes."

And finally, this cartoon from defamer... splendid.

Just terrible

Oh, just terrible! It's a Newsweek article about yuppie scum and their scummy, yuppie tattoos of brand logos. Exhibit A: Peter McBride and his Polo logo tattoo. At first, Moxie thought it was a cancerous mole or birthmark, but alas, no.

The idea came to him as he was waiting in line behind a man at a D.C. tattoo parlor: "I noticed his polo shirt and made my decision." McBride's whimsy notwithstanding, his decision is increasingly common. Gaje Pou, a New York City tattoo artist, says getting inked with designer or corporate logos is "definitely getting more acceptable." Logo requests range from Chanel and Gucci to Windows and PlayStation.

Fuck Carrie and her $500 Manolos, Moxie likes cheap beer and riding the subway

Thisiswhatwedonow has a great write-up of the 5 types of New Yorkers that have earned some serious hating. Among the top 5 are the Anti-TV-Elitist (fuck off, Project Runway is good TV!), Abstract Humanitarian, and Moxie's favorite, the Wannabe Carrie Bradshaw.

Never mind that the Sex and the City women had caustic wit, strongly defined personalities and sharp observational humor while the WBC just has a vacant stare, shoes she can't afford and a love of cosmos and candy-flavored martinis. She's obviously just as fascinating as they are and nothing you tell her is going to convince her otherwise.

Right on, brother. Moxie is sick and tired of her "single and fabulous" friends going shoe shopping on their parents credit cards, running up massive debt on $15 appletinis followed by $25 cabs home because they can't walk to the subway in their designer heels, and then, whining about not having any money. Face it gals, living beyond one's means does not the glamorously intriguing lifestyle make!

In other news of young girls that piss me off, here's an article by Bee Schaffer, daughter of Anna Wintour, about the trials of unpaid summer internships. Apparently, it's like, really really hard!

Other strange tasks I've heard about include playing with your boss's hair all day long and being obliged to run a triathlon. Baby-sitting duties are not unusual, and the interns at The Paris Review have to take out the rubbish.

Taking out the rubbish... horrors! Moxie, feeling demoralised by this bawdy and ignorant showing, angrily sulks out of the office. Time to drink $1 PBRs in the Lower East Side. Carrie Bradshaw wouldn't approve, and Moxie doesn't give a damn.

Gossip Roundup: Jen and Vince engaged... yawn.

Yes, it's true, Vinnifer (or whatever we're calling them these days... Vaughniston?) will tie the knot. According to the Today show, they were engaged in June after a week in Mexico.

Gwyneth Paltrow is still an idiot, only now she's a saggy, dumpy idiot. Her post-birth-of-moses weight loss tips here, as well as what it's like to be a "milk machine." Ew... Moxie just threw up in her mouth a little.

Oh dear... poor Dustin Diamond got mugged. And not in the Kevin Spacey way. A woman busted into his hotel rool with a can of mace and went for his stuff. Fortunately, the crazy lady only got a few PSP games, which Screech was able to recover. Unfortunately, his pride will not be so easy to retrieve.

Moxie hates Emmy Rossum

Ben Brantley's review of Williamstown's Romeo and Juliet confirms what Moxie has known all along: Emmy Rossum is conventional, lackluster, and boring boring BORING! Her turn in the Poseidon remake cannot sway Moxie: Emmy Rossum (along with Zach Braff and a few others) needs to be shipped off somewhere remote and very, very far away from acting opportunities. Here's a bit of Brantley's review:

As Juliet, Ms. Rossum has the preternatural poise of the dutiful dream daughter, occasionally given to fits of petulance. Even committing murder and suicide, Mr. Lysy’s matter-of-fact Romeo seems to be no more than fretful. Together they exude all the urgency of a high school couple in a tizzy over whether their parents will spring for a limo for their senior prom.

Frank Rizzo's Variety review puts it in less subtle terms:

Rossum's limited legit experience is evident in her too-sweet, ever-smiling perf, which makes Juliet a one-note romantic, robbing her of intelligence, purpose and power. Rossum is lovely to look at, but her speeches are as shallow as her breath control as she speeds through her lines (the easier not to dwell on such complicated things as meaning).

teehee.... Director Will Frears described his vision for the show as, "a modern-day punk-rock Latin-American fantasy of young love." Yikes! His descriptions smacks of a desprate need to fill in the passion, sizzle, and sex that Emmy Rossum can't provide. It reminds Moxie of one of Angela's crazytown explanations of her horrifying designs on Project Runway...


"I see this design is a modern-day punk-rock Latin-American fantasy of young love." -Angela Keslar

Shamu Takes Out Kayak

Okay, this has been around for a while, but Moxie gets such a kick out of it, she can't help watching it over and over and over again.

Hot Mamma

Damn, Rachel Weisz is a hot mamma! Moxie admires the marriage of smudged heroin chic and new-mommy exhaustion that Rachel is sporting, complimented by a baby who looks like he's watching the Stay-Puft marshmallow man waddle down the street.

Photo is by Lawrence Schwartzwald, courtesy of Splash News Online.

Wendy Wasserstein's Apartment for Sale

Curbed has a feature today on the late Wendy Wasserstein's Central Park West apartment, on the market for $5.475 million. Moxie noticed on the Stribling listing that the second photo shows the 8-room's foyer, and on the wall is hanging the original poster art for The Heidi Chronicles. Moxie hopes the apartment goes to someone who will appreciate the fabulousness that was Wendy Wasserstein!

Brownouts at Gersh

One of New York's hottest agencies is a bit hotter today- the Gersh office is having brownouts, so all their agents are heading home for the day. Moxie dares to say she wouldn't mind one tiddlywink a litte brownout at her own office, located just a hop skip and jump from Gersh!

Teach me, History boys

Today's New York Times Magazine brings us a fashion show featuring Dominic Cooper and the other, only marginally less dreamy, History Boys. Just scroll down to Fashion Majors, and let the visual feast unfold before you!

Moxie recalls meeting Dominic Cooper once, while she was just a young chickadee studying the theater in London. Dominic was playing Will in His Dark Materials back then, doing things like this:


Even this dance of the translucent cloth, surrounded by a chorus of polar bears, he made very sexy, as Moxie remembers it.

Damn, it's hot outside!!!

Today is the hottest day of the year, and Central Park will be the hottest it's been since 1933!!!

Moxie is hiding out in the glorious office air conditioning at the moment, but wishing she was at Astoria Pool (pictured above). All day Sunday at the beach, and all day Monday poolside, cannot cure Moxie's unsatiable desire for nothing but sunshine and swimming!!!