Moxie Blogs The Oscars

I'm blogging the Oscars! Why? Because rather than being at some glamorous party, I'm sitting in a sweatshirt and painting my nails. In other words, I'm here for you, dear reader. Nothing but devotion from dear old Moxie. It's E! coverage until 8pm, and then ABC for the night.

Update: Fourfour , of course, has the bitchiest and best Oscar coverage on the web. Read it and weep, Jack Nicholson!

12:17 - The confetti comes down (green Oscars, huh?) and it's all over. What a night! All in all, it was a great year for film, and a great year of performances. Peter O'Toole still has the record for most nominations - and never a win. Leo's time will come very soon. Why is the band playing "Oklahoma"? All of a sudden the wind is sweeping right behind the rain. Oh, it's an arrangement of winning films from years past, I guess. Interesting to hear some old classic showtunes - "My Favorite Things" is playing, too. Goodnight!

12:12 - Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton are presenting Best Film. Diane is chic, sleek, and sexy in black, and has never looked better. And the Oscar goes to The Departed! Scorcese calls the movie "the only film he's ever done with a plot." Producer Graham King also produced Blood Diamond, and loves Leo DiCaprio. "To watch Marty direct Jack... we'll talk about that later."

12:07 - And like a flash, here comes Best Director, and the Oscar goes to Martin Scorcese! What a fine job he did in telling the story of The Departed. He's so excited, and the crowd loves him! "Could you double check the envelope?" He thanks everybody, and doesn't forget the casting director! His whole family is there with him - wow, daughter and stage actress Domenica Cameron Scorcese looks beautiful!

12:01 - Ellen is vaccuuming. Reese Witherspoon looks confident and better than ever, here to present Best Actor in a Leading Role. Something feels like it's isn't Leo's time quite yet. Ryan Gosling is happy just to be nominated. Did anyone see Venus? I want to, but haven't yet. Will Smith looks lovingly at Jada - fierce couple. Forrest Whittaker is a shoo-in. Does he have his speech prepared? Yes, he does! His stunning wife is crying. "When I first started acting, it was because of my desire to connect to everyone, to that thing inside each of us, that light that I believe exists in each of us, 'cause Acting for me is about believing in that connection, and it's a connection so strong, so deep that we feel it, and through our combined belief, we can create a new reality." He thanks his "fellow believers in The Last Kind of Scotland," the people of Uganda, his family, his ancestors, and God.


11:53 - Phillip Seymour Hoffman comes out to present Best Actress in a Leading Role. Judi Dench will be nominated in this category every year for the rest of her life. Meryl was SO good, but it's not the type of role that the academy usually recognizes. The Oscar goes to Helen Mirren, who wants to share her "gold star" with her fellow nominees, the filmmakers, and the cast. She salutes the real Queen's courage and consistency.

11:45 - Jodie Foster looks nice. I like how she walks unglamorously, even in that big gown. She presents the list of industry pros we've lost this year, which includes Betty Comden, Don Knotts, Red Buttons, Maureen Stapleton, Jack Palance, Robert Altman, and many more.

11:42 - Kate Winslet can't possibly look anything but beautiful. She mentioned on the red carpet that growing up in England, people told her she'd never play anything but the fat girl. Bet those people are feeling great tonight. She's presenting Best Film Editing, and the Oscar goes to The Departed. Nice to see a lady up there for one of the categories that's usually dominated by men.
11:28 - Travolta likes a full-figured woman... ew. Him and Queen Latifah present Best Original Song, and it goes to Melissa Ethridge for "I Need to Wake Up," the song from An Inconvenient Truth! Did the Dreamgirls songs split the votes? What an upset! Ethridge thanks Al Gore for showing her that "caring about the earth is not republican or democrat, it's not red or blue, we are all green, this is our job now - we can become... the generation that changed, that woke up and changed."

11:20 - It's Dreamgirls time! Please god, don't let Jennifer Hudson's boob pop out. Beyonce comes out (or up, rather), and the two divas sound in very good voice. Beyonce looks really proud of Jennifer. "Listen" sounds great. It's nice to hear that these ladies can bring it live, and not just in the studio. Anika looks fabulous! Why does the audience look a little bored? "Patience" rocks!
11:13 - Jack Nicholson bald - yikes! The Joker's back in town. And out comes scary Kristin with Tobey Maguire, presenting Best Original Screenplay. Little Miss Sunshine wins! Hooray! What a beautiful, humble, honest, and funny story. Well deserved.

11:07 - Hugh Jackman and Penelope Cruz present Best Original Score. I liked Babel's score, and The Queen's - so evocative. Babel wins!

10:55 - Celine is singing the world premiere of "I Knew I Loved You". This song is boring. Actually I just think Celine is really really boring. Hey, the set for the Oscars this year looks really great, huh? Very Dreamgirls, kinda clubby, but I much prefer it to the classic beige tones they usually use.

10:46 - Jerry Seinfeld will never change, at all. He presents Best Documentary Feature to An Inconvenient Truth, but I bet that those who don't believe in global warming still won't see the film. Al Gore's life post-presidential-run ROCKS.

10:42 - My crush Eva Green looks terrifying, I will admit, but it only makes me love her more. She actually looks like she showed up in costume for her role in His Dark Materials. Her and Gael Garcia Bernal present Best Documentary Short Subject to The Blood of Yingzhou District. 10:38 - George Clooney dashes hopes of a Gore '08 run, and presents Best Supporting Actress. Moxie loves an underdog, and kinda thinks one of the women from Babel should win, but everybody loves a fantasy story, so of course the Oscar goes to Jennifer Hudson. "Look what God can do," she tearily says. And she remembered to thank Jennifer Holliday, thank God!!

10:35 - Ellen confirms that Pilobolus dancers are naked back there! Told ya so.

10:25 - Catherine Deneuve and Ken Watanabe present a looong segment of past winners tries to convince America to care about this award. America checks out Grease: You're the One that I Want while it plays. Cate Blanchett and Clive Owen present Best Foreign Language Film to The Lives of Others - wow, no victory here for Pan's Labyrinth!

10:23 - Naomi Watts and Robert Downey Jr. present Best Visual Effects. And the Oscar goes to the gents from Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest.

10:14 - Gwyneth Paltrow's dress is ugly. She's presenting Best Cinematography. And the Oscar goes to Guillermo Navarro for Pan's Labyrinth.

10:00 - Emily Blunt and Anne Hathaway present Best Costume Design. Oooh, a dazzling display of some of the nominated designs, in the flesh! Check out the actor-doubles for the stars. Pop that hip, Dreamgirls girl! And the Oscar goes to Marie Antoinette.

9:47 - Helen Mirren and Tom Hanks present Best Adapted Screenplay. Ravishing. So ravishing. Aw, she calls him Bor-AT. It's so cool that they're reading the stage directions as we see the action played out onscreen - a nice way to appreciate the art of screenwriting. And the Oscar goes to William Monahan for The Departed.

9:45 - Cameron Diaz presents Best Animated Film to Happy Feet. ABC does some stupid animated schtick with penguins in the audience. Blah blah blah. I'm so over Cameron Diaz, by the way. Chica has GOT to do something risky and get people to forget about Justin. I just hope it doesn't involve gaining 30 pounds or wearing a fake nose.

Commercial Interjection - Did anyone else know that Rashida Jones, a.k.a. Karen on The Office, is the daughter of music legend Quincy Jones? E!'s website is listing the 31-year-old actress as his wife, whoopsie.

9:37 - Why didn't Al Gore ever look this dashing and confident when he was in politics? Even fat and standing next to Leo DiCaprio, he looks pretty darn good!

9:27 - Pilobolus is dancing the Oscars tonight - I wonder if they'll whip out their boobies and have men dancing in flesh-colored thongs, like they do in their dance shows. This could get interesting!
9:22 - Now we're cookin' with gas - ravishing Rachel Weisz presents Best Supporting Actor to Alan Arkin - yes! He almost didn't get the part because he was "too virile" at 73. Totally deserved, even in this tough category.

9:21 - A whole separate category for Best Sound Mixing, really? Huh. Jessica Biel, or Miss Magenta as I'll henceforth be calling her, presents the Oscar to the Dreamgirls fellas.

9:15 - A choir of sound effect pros delivers the dorkiest three minutes of the evening. Steve Carrell and Greg Kinnear present Best Sound Editing to the guys from Letters From Iwo Jima. Guess no victory tonight for Apocalypto. Is America's favorite bigot, Mel Gibson even here? Haven't seen him at all.

9:00 - Shortie actors present the best short films! Little tykes Abigail Breslin and Jayden Christopher Syre Smith present Best Animated Short Film, and it goes to The Danish Poet. Aww, little Jayden messed up the line! Moxie was rooting for the short with the little rodent from Ice Age. Oh well. And West Bank Story wins for Best Live Action Short Film. "I made a comedy musical about Israelis and Palestinians... and it's a movie about peace and hope... Hope is not hopeless." Whoa - instantly added to my netflix list.

8:58 - Pan's Labyrinth wins another award, this time for Best Makeup. Yawnie yawn.

8:55 - Will Farrell and Jack Black are threatening to beat up the nominees. Jack Black threatens to beat down Peter O'Toole with his Nickelodeon Award, and wants to know which party hottie Helen Mirren is headed to. Somewhere the Weisslers are watching these guys singing and wondering what musicals they can develop for them.

8:45 - Daniel Craig is hunky. Seeing him in a tux is nothing new, sure, but what a classic man he is. Pan's Labyrinth wins the first award of the night for Best Art Direction. Pilar Revuelta would totally be played by Bebe Neuwirth in the movie version of the art direction of Pan's Labyrinth.8:37 - Doesn't Ellen look great? I'm loving the deep red velvet tuxedo with the casually open collar, and the white shoes are daring and glam, while reflecting Ellen's own personal panache. Her and Amy Sedaris ought to play a pair of crazy sisters in an independent movie. "If there weren't Blacks, Jews, and gays, there would be no Oscars." Preach on, sister! And then there's the tamborine, a hallelujah chorus, and we're celebrating the nominees, since they've all already won, right? Nominees don't look convinced.

8:30 - It's starting it's starting! Cool, a docu-style mashup of the nominees, with whimsical clarinet music in the background. "Oh my gosh, Abby, you got nominated for an Oscar," says Abigail Breslin - can someone please steal me this child, so I can take her everywhere I go, and be best friends with her? Hmmm... how many different ways can I say that Helen Mirren is hot during the next threeish hours? Will Smith kisses Kate Winslet, Marty Scorcese kisses Helen Mirren (why not?), and Ellen comes out.

8:25 - Moxie is afraid of Kirsten Dunst. Doesn't she look threatening? "I'm Kristin, and I'm gonna eat your babies! Eeeee heeheehee!!!" Moxie predicts that once the Spiderman 3 hububb is over, her career spirals down, down, downwards.

8:08 - And we're onto ABC's arrivals coverage. Aw, Patricia Fields is a jeans-and-flip-flops gal. Emily Blunt looks like a goddess of the sea in that indigo gown. Damn, girl. You lookin' fine.

7:55 - How cool is Abigail Breslin? I love that her dress looks like a kid's fantasy dress in every way. So sick of those mini-grownup child stars in mini-valentino dresses. This looks like a kid having a blast being a kid. Go, Abigail!!

7:49 - Meryl Streep proclaims she's a size 14 on national tv, when she's nominated for a role in a fashion movie. Way to go, Meryl! Meanwhile, somewhere in Hollywood, Nicole Ritchie, Mary Kate Olsen, and Kate Bosworth suddenly shiver with anxiety and fear.

7:39 - Cate Blanchette describes the red carpet layout as "higherarchical," reminding us that Aussie celebs aren't just luminously beautiful, but dang, they talk good, too!

7:37 - WHOA Nicole Kidman. What is that big red bow? It looks poised to devour her head.

7:27 - Seacrest cried at The Devil Wears Prada. Hehe. I used to hate Anne Hathaway, but I heard rumors that she's a lesbian, and now I kinda like her. I dig that there might be more to her than meets the eye. Sorry, through, that dress is horrible. C'est terrible, terrible, no?

7:26 - Jeez Louise, that's Celine Dion?!? She looks like the new cast member of Grey's Anatomy. "How has being in Las Vegas changed you?" asks Seacrest. "It's gonna be hard to leave - very emotional." Sure, Celine, sure.

7:18 - Helen Mirren is a goddess. I saw her a couple years ago in Mourning Becomes Electra in London, and she was sex incarnate. I think her and Holland Taylor should have to mud wrestle for the title of sexiest woman-of-a-certain-age ever.

7:12 - OH. MY. GOD. I can't BELIEVE that's Djimon Hounsou in the video for "Love Will Never Do" with Janet Jackson!! He was HOT. I can't believe I never realized that was him!!

7:09 - Steve Carrell thinks The Departed will win best picture, and gives a shout out to friends in Vegas. Awww... he's funny and talented and a genuine, nice guy. I hope his career keeps getting better and better.

6:53 - Jessica Biel is prettier after getting those collagen lips. Buzz is that she'll win for Actress With Least Personality of 2007.
6:45 - Dreamgirls alert... Anika Noni Rose looks great in dark metallic blue-green, and Jennifer Hudson looks like the snazzy diva she is, but what's with the gigantic gold snakeskin jacket? Yikes.

6:40 - Rachel Weisz is the most glamorous hollywood star of our time. Look at her. Gorgeous. She looks like her whole body is bejeweled, and they just wrapped the satin around it all. Beautiful. Beautiful!