Oh No.

And the award for #1 Rumor I Hope is False goes to: K-Fed may be coming to Broadway.

The Drama of Spitzer

This is the problem these guys get into: they're so morally rigid and puritanical in real life (and on some level, so responsible for this priggish world we now live in) that when they get caught committing victimless crimes, everyone thinks they should be punished for sheer hypocrisy. But they shouldn't really.
-Nora Ephron, via The Huffington Post

Well said! It's about time someone addresses the ridiculous hyper-reactive way that we've come to deal with Politicians Behaving Badly.

When Larry Craig did whatever he did in the bathroom stall, was it surprising? Of course, because he seemed like such a massive homophobe. But as Ephron goes on to say, "It's one of the things you have to admire about Senator Larry Craig: he's still there. And who can say he's doing a better or worse job than he was before? And compared to whom in the United States Senate?" It's true - why should anybody have to step down from their job because of some naughty bathroom antics? And why should we believe that the other elected officials are any less morally ambiguous?

Of course, Spitzer broke the laws in several ways that I find abominable. And perhaps he should step down. But I can't help but find the Shock! and Outrage! almost as repulsive and laughable as the crime committed.

So here's the solution. In the future, all public elected officials will obey Erica Jong's new code of ethics:
1. Pay hookers in cash.
2. Think globally, act locally: don't cross state lines to get laid.
3. Don't use "George Fox" as a pseudonym.
4. If using a pseudonym, make up a phony address. Revealing the marital residence on Fifth Avenue is a bad idea.
5. Don't try to avoid using condoms with women named Kristin.
6. Never send cash by mail.
7. Be skeptical about institutions with sexist names like The Emperor's Club.
8. Don't yell at investment bankers on the phone.
9. If you are famous for closing prostitution "rings," don't frequent them.
10. While in public office, fuck your own wife -- unless you are in French politics.

Three things that are making today awesome

1. Whole wheat everything bagel. mmm.

2. Baseball season is coming! The mets pre-season is on, and my boys are looking real good. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy to see them playing again. Damn, I love this team.

3. Seeing Elizabeth & the Catapult tonight. If you could take happiness, kites, and rainbows, put them in the blender and turn the concoction into music, it would sound like this band.

meme-tastic!

Oh boy, I got memed! Jaime, who tagged me, explains the feeling perfectly. "No one loves being tagged more than girl grown-up after a childhood of exclusion. Hey kids, it's okay if junior high was miserable - when you're grown up and have a blog, it'll be that much more exciting when you get tagged with a meme." Girl, you read my mind.

The rules: Look up 15 of your favorite films on IMDb and take a quote from each. List them below. When someone guesses the quote correctly, I cross it off the list. NO CHEATING.

So here are quotes from 15 of my favorite movies, in no particular order - the ones that have been correctly guessed are in italics:

1)
- Repeat after me. Pepper.
- Pepper.
- Pepper.
- Pepper.
- Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash.
- Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash.
- But I would be proud to partake of your pecan pie.
(When Harry Met Sally, way to go Jaime!)

2)
After that it got pretty late, and we both had to go, but it was great seeing Annie again. I... I realized what a terrific person she was, and... and how much fun it was just knowing her; and I... I, I thought of that old joke, y'know, the, this... this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "I would, but I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, and... but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it because, uh, most of us... need the eggs.
(Annie Hall, way to go Audiomaverick!)

3)
- I hate to use the word 'tourist' but it's not like I can hide it...
- Not really.
- [sigh] Did you know it took me three hours to get here from the airport? I got so lost. LA's one big place, but I guess you don't notice, seeing as you live here. Im such a yokel, there I said it!
- Oh jeez. You know what? I got gum on my seat. GUM!
(Speed, well done 4thFloorNYC!)
4)
- I can't seem to stop singing wherever I am. And what's worse, I can't seem to stop saying things - anything and everything I think and feel.
- Some people would call that honesty.
- Oh, but it's terrible, Reverend Mother.
(The Sound of Music, nice one Anonymous!)

5)
But wouldn't it be great if number one this Christmas wasn't some smug teenager but an old ex-heroin addict searching for a comeback at any price? All those young popsters come Christmas Day, they'll be stretched out naked with a cute bird balancing on their balls and I'll be stuck in some dingy flat with me manager, Joe, ugliest man in the world, fucking miserable because our fucking gamble didn't pay off. So if you believe in Father Christmas, children, like your Uncle Billy does, buy my festering turd of a record.
(Love Actually, way to go Audiomaverick!)

6)
I decided to stop pitying myself. Other than my eye, two things aren't paralyzed, my imagination and my memory.
(The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, way to go Jaime!)

7)
Do you find me sadistic? You know, I bet I could fry an egg on your head right now, if I wanted to. You know, Kiddo, I'd like to believe that you're aware enough even now to know that there's nothing sadistic in my actions. Well, maybe towards those other... jokers, but not you. No Kiddo, at this moment, this is me at my most... masochistic.

8)
- Can we get somebody over here to kill these mice for us?
- No. They belong to Chas. Or anyway he invented them.
- Get him to stick them in a fucking cage or something.
(The Royal Tenenbaums, way to go Ken!)

9)
And cause I was a gazillionaire, and I liked doin it so much, I cut that grass for free.
(Forrest Gump, way to go Audiomaverick!)

10)
*That's* what you get! Ha Ha! Look at you! Ya ship's all banged up! Who's the man? Huh? Who's the man? Wait till I get another plane! I'm a line ya friends up right beside you! Where ya at, huh? Where ya at? ...Welcome to earth.
(Independence Day, way to go Audiomaverick!)

11)
- Do you feel alone right now?
- Oh, I dunno. I mean I'd like to believe I'm not but I just... I've just never seen any proof so I... I just don't debate it anymore, you know? It's like I could spend my whole life debating it over and over again, weighing the pros and cons and in the end I still wouldn't have any proof so I just... I just don't debate it anymore. It's absurd.
- The search for God is absurd?
- It is if everyone dies alone.
(Donnie Darko, well done Michelle!)

12)
That was the summer of 1963 - when everybody called me Baby, and it didn't occur to me to mind. That was before President Kennedy was shot, before the Beatles came, when I couldn't wait to join the Peace Corps, and I thought I'd never find a guy as great as my dad. That was the summer we went to Kellerman's.
(Dirty Dancing, way to go Audiomaverick!)

13)
Final report of the commercial starship Nostromo, third officer reporting. The other members of the crew, Kane, Lambert, Parker, Brett, Ash and Captain Dallas, are dead. Cargo and ship destroyed. I should reach the frontier in about six weeks. With a little luck, the network will pick me up. This is Ripley, last survivor of the Nostromo, signing off. [to Jonesy the cat] Come on, cat.
(Alien, well done 4thFloorNYC!)

14)
The space goes down, down baby, down, down the roller coaster. Sweet, sweet baby, sweet, sweet, don't let me go. Shimmy, shimmy, cocoa pop. Shimmy, shimmy, rock. Shimmy, shimmy, cocoa pop. Shimmy, shimmy, rock. I met a girlfriend - a triscuit. She said, a triscuit - a biscuit. Ice cream, soda pop, vanilla on the top. Ooh, Shelly's out, walking down the street, ten times a week. I read it. I said it. I stole my momma's credit. I'm cool. I'm hot. Sock me in the stomach three more times.
(Big, way to go Anonymous!)

15)
I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think.
(Caddyshack, nice one Anonymous!)


Okay! Hey Jeffrey, Rocco, Alison, (what the hell) Manolo, and (double what the hell) Michael Musto - TAG, you're it!!

damn right, it's better than yours.

[via kottke]

Critics love Passing Strange

Hate to say I told you so, but it looks like I'm not the only one who digs Passing Strange.

David Rooney/Variety:

...a magical mystery tour that fuses aspects of concert, concept album, cabaret and revivalist meeting. Significantly finessed since last year's Public Theater run, this idiosyncratic odyssey toward self-knowledge explores universal questions of identity with the specificity and wry insight of autobiographical experience. It's boldly atypical Broadway fare that pulses with a new kind of vitality.

Terry Teachout/Wall Street Journal:

It's also the freshest musical in town, in part because Stew (whose real-life name is Mark Stewart) and his songwriting collaborator, Heidi Rodewald, are either ignorant of the conventions of musical comedy or don't care about them. Most likely they're more knowing than they let on, but it doesn't matter: "Passing Strange" is the most original Broadway musical since "The Light in the Piazza," and my guess is that it is headed for a long, profitable and influential run.

Charles Isherwood/New York Times:

Although it is far richer in wit, feeling and sheer personality than most of what is classified as musical theater in the neighborhood around Times Square these days, its big heart throbs to the sound of electric guitars, searing synthesizer chords, driving drums and lyrics delivered not in a clean croon but a throaty yelp.

Here's my review from Passing Strange's run at the Public. Miraculously, tickets are still available on TDF for many upcoming performances. I'll be there on Sunday, and these great reviews make me more excited than ever to see what they've done with the show.

[The great illustration above is from The New Yorker]

Tobias Segal: Future STAR!

Tobias Segal rocked the house in that sweet play at the Women's Project last year, Victoria Martin: Math Team Queen. Then he rocked the house even more in that sweet and awesome play at Playwrights Horizons, Doris to Darlene. He is nerdy and awkward and wonderful. Today he started rehearsals for From Up Here, MTC's play starring Julie White and a gaggle of other actors who I love. Brian Hutchison, Aya Cash, Arija Bareikis, Will Rogers, and a few others. But that's not the point. The point is that this Tobias Segal kid is going to be a STAR. STAR!

Yes, Yes, Everything Rocco Just Said!

The ever-delightful Rocco over at What Blows writes:

"GO SEE 'GRACE' RIGHT THIS VERY INSTANT!!"... That's what I've been telling everyone I run into. I've been wringing my hands for a week now trying to think of something smart to say about it, but the play is so loaded with great thoughts and ideas, I'm reduced to just giving orders. I can say, without hesitation, that Lynn Redgrave is giving a performance that I know will win Obie's and Drama Desks, and Lortels (oh my!). And the last 20 minutes are completely unforgettable."

Me too, me too! It is just so fucking good, and Lynn Redgrave is giving a performance I will remember for the rest of my life. I dare say, her performance here far outshines that of a different Redgrave actress I can think of in a play I saw last season. This is a rare gem of a play, truly special. Please don't miss it. As Rocco also advises, "Use code "GRTM" for $45 tickets." Do it!

**UPDATE: Thanks to Secret Agent Girl who posted in the comments, I'm pleased to tell you that if you're under 30, you can show up at the box office 2 hours before curtain and get $20 tickets. Do it!

Blogging the Oscars '08

Here I am folks, liveblogging the Oscars, again! Don't be fooled, there are countless swanky parties I could be at, but I CHOOSE to be here, with you, dear blog reader. Okay fine, I got nothing. Oh it's starting! I'm always surprised by just how much I love Jon Stewart. I love that little look he gives the camera after one of his nastier jokes, the look that says "kidding... yikes".

I can't BELIVE how well Amy Adams pulled of "Happy Working Song"! She walked out there so alone on that big huge stage, no projections of little cartoons rats and roaches or anything to amuse us but her - but she sounded amazing and acted the hell out of it! Props to her! Huge props!

Is it weird that I get really psyched for Outstanding Achievement in Art Direction? Sweeney Todd really deserved it - the whole films was so beautifully, meticulously designed that the less effective factors in the movie were barely even noticable.

Javier Bardem - what a shoo-in. Anyone else notice when Regis called his Xavier Bardem in the pre-show?

Ooh it's the song from August Rush. Maybe this will make me want to see the movie? Uh oh. There's an alto in there who is horribly flat. Wow. These kids can sing. Too bad they get to sing a catchier song to sing at the freakin' Oscars. Oh, it's over. Nope. Still don't want to see August Rush.

A bee montage? The periscope montage from earlier got me all confused. I can't tell if these are joke montages or not anymore.

Supporting actress time. Oscar loves little girl thesps, but Oscar also loves cross-dressing... who will it be?!?! (Fingers crosses for Amy Ryan)... Ah, but Oscar also loves a class-action lawsuit, so Tilda Swinton wins. She looks like a very beautiful grasshopper. And she's talking about her agent whose got Oscar's ass! Brian Swardstrom of Endeavor is getting a lot of ass-related texts right now.... and hey, a little googling reveals that he DOES look like the Oscar! Here he is with my girlcrush Eva Green in Cannes (courtesy of wireimage):

Mmm Josh Brolin and James McAvoy. Can't... blog... so.... sexy... No Country for Old Men wins Best Adaptation. The Coens are so nerdy and funny! Still thinking about James McAvoy's accent though. Good lord. Ridiculously attractive.

And now, the moment us musical theater superfans have been waiting for, Kristin Chenoweth performing "That's How You Know" from Enchanted! That dress she's wearing is so serious and muted, though. Why? Where's the Disney palette? Where's the fun? Ooh, I don't know about this. I don't feel the magic. I miss Amy Adams! They should have combined both Enchanted songs into one big Dreamgirls-style montage and had Amy do the whole thing.

Julie Christie seems like a big shoo-in, too. But my heart is with Marion Cotillard. YES! YES! YES! She wins! If you haven't seen this film yet, please do. She is luminescent, miraculous, and unrecognizable, she disappears so completely into the character.

Once. "Falling Slowly". They give me chills. Love, just love those two.

You know what's striking about the Best Picture montage? 79 best pictures, and so many of them musicals. Gigi, West Side Story, My Fair Lady, The Sound of Music, Chicago, and more. We are such romantic emotional creatures, we humans, and a truly great movie musical gets us every time. I love that.

Another song from Enchanted? I forgot about this one. Too bad the kid can't really sing. How'd they find a dancer who looks just like Amy Adams? Millions of viewers think it's really her dancing right now. OH my god that high falsetto note was AWFUL! They wish they hired Gavin DeGraw to sing that song.

Scientologist John Travolta presents the Oscar to Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova for their song from Once! Yes! Yes! Three cheers! I love them! Hooray! "Make art!" says Glen Hansard. ...and, I LOVE that she came back out to give her thanks! She speaks beautifully about hope, and how great achievement is fair play for those who dare to dream. Fantastic!

A sad moment to remember those cinema greats we've lost this year. Kitty Carlisle Hart, I'll miss you. Suzanne Pleshette. Deborah Kerr. Ingmar Bergman. Heath Ledger, whose name fills the screen over a glorious, triumphant swell of music that feels all wrong.

Amy Adams is delightful, even as a presenter for Best Original Score. She explains the great artistic achievement that is an incredible score. They play Rocky. Everyone nodds their heads in agreement, it is awesome. Atonement wins the Oscar. Okay.

Tom Hanks tells us that the troops are still at war, and we want to include the kids in Baghdad in the 80's Annual Academy Awards. They present best docu short. They look so young. Gotta see No End In Sight. Sicko is great. Don't be scared! See it!

Now seems like a good time to mention that this year's Oscars set looks a lot like a prettier, more tasteful version of The Little Mermaid on Broadway. Those ugly columns under the sea that everyone complains about? They look like that, but more embellished and translucent.

Defamer is also liveblogging the Oscars, check it out.

Diablo Cody wins the Oscar! Holy Shit! She clasps hands with Ellen Page and Jennifer Garner is falling out of her seat. "What is happening?!?" she says, as she thanks the writers. The room is filled with love. Diablo cries and thanks her family "for loving me exactly the way I am."

Have to share what Defamer's livebloggers said about the final Enchanted performance:

We get it. Enchanted is an enchanting movie with lots of wonderful songs. Now can someone shoo Lumière and the rest of the gang of the stage? And we're officially drunk, so can someone clarify: Is that Amy Adams? Or an Amy Adamalike? And who the hell is singing? Where's Simon Cowell when you need him?! OK, we think we need a bathroom break.

Lumiere! Hilarious! Great minds, Defamer.

Lead Actor time. Helen Mirren struts out, walking like she's got a dagger in her bodice. Roll the nominees. Wouldn't Johnny Depp be a surprise? He will have vengance. He will have salvation. The shoo-in, Daniel Day-Lewis wins, of course.

Joel Coen and Ethan Coen win the Oscar for Best Achievement in Directing. Martin Scorcese looks very, very short when standing next to them.

Denzel Washington will tell us which film will become the 80th Best Picture. Atonement, Juno, Michael Clayton, No Country for Old Men, or There Will Be Blood? No Country for Old Men wins the Oscar! Cormack McCorthy is on his feet in applause! Scott Rudin says this is a big surprise!

And that's the night. No, thank YOU, Jon Stewart.

Terrence Howard out of Cat for Six Weeks

Is this Cat on a Hot Tin Roof revival cursed, or just plagued with lunacy and bad decisions? The whole thing strikes me as having a river of crazy running through it. Kenny Leon quit and was replaced by... Debbie Allen? And then they cast Terrence Howard, only to now have him leave the show for six weeks to go do a movie. He'll be out April 15-May 22nd, and the show's limited run ends on June 15th. Weird weird weird.

Definitely, Maybe: Kinda, Mostly Good

Took my valentine (aka my roommate) out for a romantic movie date to see Definitely, Maybe. It's a sweet movie. Not a slam dunk, but a respectable romcom that will make you want to have like 17 big New York Romances, which is refreshing after the zillion romcoms that just make women think "must marry! must marry!" Couple other thoughts:

1. Abigail Breslin is starting to annoy me. She is acting her face off, and it's not cute.
2. Isla Fisher is my favorite. Just so sweet and fun and lovely.
3. Ryan Reynolds is slightly cross-eyed. What's the deal? Why is no one talking about this??

also, on a different note...

This I hate. God knows La Lohan is many things, and I kinda almost love her, but Marilyn Monroe she ain't. And that sad fact just makes the whole thing exploitive and icky.

"Tax the Cult!"

This is awesome. The group "Anonymous" staged a world-wide day of protest against Scientology yesterday, speaking out against the church's tax-exempt status, and other issues concerning the extreme shadiness of the "religion". Moxie is very happy to see somebody really taking a stand against Scientology. Everybody seems to agree that they're ridiculous, but the group consistently squashes anyone who speaks out against them, which they can doubtless afford to do because the organization is swimming in cash, which only makes their tax-exempt status all the more whack.

Speaking of which, check out this totally bizarre story of two friends who were duped into a scientology pitch by a girl scout, with promises of free eco-friendly lightbulbs. SO ODD. Hmm, makes one wonder about the accusations of child labor.

We were walking back to BART from a gallery show when a cute little girl... asked us if we wanted a free CFL from, among other sources, the Sierra Club. All we had to do was pick it up inside the building behind us. "Sure," we said.

It got a little strange when she surreptiously pulled a phone out of her pocket and made a call. "I've got two!" she whispered.

Read the whole strange story here.

[hat tip: gothamist, re-nest]

Oh, Patti, You So Crazy!

Designer Zac Posen saw Patti LuPone in Gypsy, and not only invited her to his show Bryant Park, but offered to dress her, too. Girl does look pretty slammin', but she still had to get a word in edgewise about her own (lack of) fashion sense. She told reporters that she doesn't know how to shop. Why? "I've been wearing costumes all my life." Oh, Patti, you so crazy!

Check out how great she looks, though:


As the fug girls would say, well played, Patti LuPone!

Randy Quaid's High Drama

This is a great read!

All 26 members of the "Lone Star Love" cast brought Randy [Quaid] up on charges with Actors' Equity Association, claiming he physically and verbally abused his fellow performers and that his oddball behavior onstage and off forced the show to close, thus depriving them of their jobs.

On Friday, Equity handed down its decision. According to documents obtained exclusively by The Post, the union has banned Randy for life - life! - and fined him $81,572.

And it gets better and better...

Randy didn't show up for the hearing, which was held in Los Angeles. But his wife did and, according to a report on TMZ last week, berated several Equity staff members, including a 76-year-old receptionist whom she allegedly kicked in the shins, "drawing blood."

Equity reportedly took out a restraining order against her.

Evi, in turn, says staffers broke her finger, and she has requested a restraining order against them.

OH MY GOD! She kicked Equity's receptionist????? This is me right now:

I think this would make a really really good movie, with Randy Quaid playing himself, and crazy wifey played by Janice Dickinson. Read the whole thing if you want to hear about the pinko-commies, nazi plots, gynecological instruments, and other filth.

Who will atone for Atonement?

I saw Atonement last night, and may I just say, Blah. Yawn. Blech.

What a heavy-handed, showy movie this is! Each shot is so deliberately set up, it made me wonder if director Joe Wright believes that refraction of light is more interesting to an audience than, say, storytelling. Like Jaime, I'm massively turned off by Keira Knightly and her collagen pout, but her performance was actually one of the less offensive elements of this film - all the actors are fine, but the filmmakers are so caught up in the filmmaking that the characters and story seem like a secondary, added bonus to all those stunning sunset shots. And they are gorgeous, but... so what?

Ick. More and more, I really detest movies (and theater) that are so interested in impressive production elements that they forget their real purpose: to tell a story. I feel the same way about the work done by Disney Theatricals. I just have no patience for it. It's arrogant, self-indulgent, and a sad waste of an opportunity.